Negative Self-Talk

Here we are again; another Monday, a new week, new possibilities. How was your weekend? Did you do anything exciting or stay around home a just rest? We didn’t do very much. Saturday afternoon we went to the Baltimore Harbor and walked around for a bit. The Pride of Baltimore was docked. I have never been down when she was in so it was nice to see her up close, in person.

“The Man” told me I looked like a tourist taking pictures, lol! My response was “who cares”?

If you look where I circled, you can see two people climbing up the ropes!

I have no idea what they were doing, but I know that would not be my gig!

It was nice to just go and walk around the harbor on a nice day, but I could have just as easily stayed home. Do you ever have those days where nothing seems to work? That was me Saturday. The day didn’t start out like that, but by the time I had a shower and was getting dressed, I didn’t like a thing I put on. Nothing looked good, my hair was awful (you know those “I hate my hair” days)? I decided it’s time for a radical hair change. I haven’t done it yet, so it won’t be a rash decision, but I haven’t given up on the idea, so that means it’s likely to happen!

I’ve been thinking about “Negative self-talk” a lot! Do you do it? How often? I think most people are usually pretty good at it. I know I am and I was at it all weekend. And that was AFTER the #satuday7amsocialclub AKA WW meeting where we talked a bit about it! Maybe that’s the problem, lol! That wasn’t our topic, but it’s where we “wandered” to.

One member was telling us about a race she just completed in horrible weather. She was under trained but decided to go for it anyway, she was doing it with her daughter and a friend. It took her over four hours to run a 12 mile race, she was next to last, was walking and crying the last few miles, had been moved to the sidewalk to finish, had a policeman offer to give her ride; they were rolling up the timing mat when she got there so she didn’t have an official time, but she finished. She didn’t quit. She turned her negatives into a positive. She finished what she started.

I know how she felt starting out. I know I am so under trained for these upcoming races next month, or I guess I should say for the marathon, I should be good for the half on Saturday, but I am very much doubting my ability finish the full on Sunday or within the time limit. I see me being on the sidewalk trying to finish. I am honestly counting on race day adrenaline and finding another “back of the packer” to buddy up with to keep going. I am honestly scared. This is the most I have ever been scared and doubting my ability going into a race.

Another member made it to a milestone in her weight loss journey. Our leader asked her how she felt and what advice she would give to others. She started her story with everything negative she could, she’s never made it to that point, always quit just before getting to that point because her weight loss was slowing…..not that she didn’t give up, she kept going….you get the picture. It took another member pointing out that she hadn’t said anything positive to get her there.

Maybe that’s what happened. My day didn’t start out that way, but by the time I was getting dressed, those doubts were running rampant. Do you think someone else’s negatives can cause your own? How do you turn it around?

It didn’t end with Saturday. When I was running yesterday, I was negative talking to myself the entire way. “I can’t do this, I should defer, I should downgrade to the 10K, if I can, this is crazy (that might be), once this is over I may never run again (maybe or at least not for endurance anytime soon). It has been a lot with the other stuff I am doing and I will admit I have taken on quite a bit. I knew what I was doing, talking down to myself,  but I was powerless to stop it. After missing my run last week because of spending the weekend in yoga teacher training, this week was a 15 miler. I managed 10.well one GPS said 10, one said 10.9….ah which one to go by? I was still within the time limit to not get swept, but I had to slow down my intervals sooner than I would have liked. When I looked back in my marathon training log to two years ago, for this run I made it 13.25 out of 15. I think that was the week I fell and kept going as much as I could. So a little more than I did this time, but still not the entire distance and I finished that marathon. In all honesty I could have gone more than the 10 I did yesterday, but I had talked myself into stopping. I just wasn’t feeling it. Those negative thoughts let me stop myself. Had I looked at the log from last time and thought about it, I would have pushed myself farther, I think.  At the end of the day, my goal is to finish. I’m not going for time, but would like to stay within that time limit and not get swept. I would feel much better if the full were on Saturday and the half on Sunday. For the next month I will need to be diligent with my diet, and get as much rest as possible. I started thinking (while running) maybe I should go back to once per week with Jeff, for the next month, until after the race. With the extra yoga work and studying I’m not sure twice per week is a good thing (since this was part of my talking to myself yesterday I’m not sure that is unreasonable to do or me doubting myself). I will continue to ponder on that.

Somewhere along the way I remembered this pendant from Plunder.

I CAN and I WILL…..Watch Me

It came with some bundles I bought earlier in the year. I seemed to have gotten a boat load of them! I wasn’t quite sure why I needed so many, but maybe I should hang them all over the house! I will carry it with me for the races. I do have several so if you or someone you know needs one, let me know!

“I Can AND I Will…..Watch Me”! So much more positive than “I can’t do this” don’t you think? When I was training for my first marathon my mantra was “She believed she could so she did”, my race songs were “I don’t need your rocking chair” by George Jones and “My Way” by Elvis.

I think I am adopting this saying for my race mantra now “I CAN and I WILL….Watch Me”! With a new mantra, should I come up with a new race song? Any ideas? Help me out here!! I may need that rocking chair this time, lol!!!

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Until the next time


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Author: Janet Earling-Bencivenni

I am a Lifestyle/Fashion Blogger, SAHGMa, Marathoner, and PowerLifter; sharing my journey of weight loss, fitness, fashion, and finding myself after 50. My hope is to help, encourage, and inspire others along their journey. I am here to tell you being 50 is indeed FIERCE!!!

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