I have been asked “What do you want for Christmas”. Honestly, I don’t want or need “stuff”.
All I want for Christmas is……(Something money can’t buy……)
We all know that song. If not you can click on the link to hear it.
And although it is referring to a lover or significant other, it is also my Christmas Wish.
Please forgive me as this post may ramble and be all over the place today. I am writing from my heart and what comes may not be in any order and I will not try to edit it.
For the past couple of years there has been someone missing from our Christmas celebration; our oldest granddaughter Brooklyn aka Brookie.
Is this Brooklyn’s wish or is there more at play here? It’s hard to say, she is now 14 1/2 now going on 40! So anything is possible.
We have actually only spent one “real” Christmas Day with her in her entire life. From the time she was three we had “Special Christmas”. And she was three before we were ever able to spend that time with her. Brookie would come “home” on December 26th and we would have Christmas with her sometime before New Years. After that first year with “real” Christmas she said she wanted to rotate with “Special Christmas” just like we did Thanksgiving, but it has never happened.
In 2006, when Brookie was three, my son and her mother separated. A very long and contentious story that I won’t go into detail with now. Her mother and her family has always tried to keep Brooklyn from our family since the day she was born, it appears they have finally managed to get their way, but I digress….
Up until last year 2016, things remained pretty regular with visits and our “traditions”. In the spring of 2016 she was here for her regular spring break week and all was well. We planned a family vacation to Disney in August that she wanted to go on and we included her in the plans. A few weeks before time to go I contacted her mother to set up the day and time to pick her up and was told “Brooklyn no longer wants to go”. I’m still not sure I believe it was her idea, but, as she barely communicates anymore and has never admitted that it was her idea to not go I don’t know. I find it hard to believe she would turn down a trip to Disney with the possibility of going to Universal Studios (she is a big Harry Potter fan). We hadn’t told her but had planned on a day there just for her. Fortunately it was enough time that we were able to cancel her tickets and not lose the money that had been spent. Is that a harsh way of looking at it? Maybe, to a point, but if you’ve ever spent a week or even a day at Disney you know it takes a little more than pocket change…..
Although I tried having regular communication with her after that (I always initiated, it was only on occasion that she did), and she did respond most of the time, something wasn’t quite right. Then on Thanksgiving Day I awake to find we were all tagged in the following post on Facebook:
The bible said Adam and Eve so I decided on both.
If it makes you love me anyless then you don’t love me, you love your idea of me. I honestly do not give a crap what you think of me.
I am me.
And I am happy to be me.
Now the funny thing is she surprised no one….I refused to give in to her theatrics (I felt she was looking for a fight or a negative response) and responded in a personal message, not a public Facebook message; letting her know she was loved and accepted and that she would always have a place in our lives and home here. I also let her know that she only admitted what we already knew. Again I tried to keep communication open and thought things were going ok, until March of this year, although she still wouldn’t commit to coming.
She wouldn’t say she didn’t want to come, but wouldn’t commit to coming for her regular times either. My last message with her, was that when she was ready we would make sure we could get her here. She said ok.
A few days later I received a message from her mother that she was not coming, she was being pressured to come and the only we could see her is if my son and I only went there. She would see no one else. I refused to be “ordered”(especially by her mother) and due to past issues with violence in that family would not put myself in that position. Not only that, it was only a couple of weeks before Caterina was due and the weather was still not good for traveling to the “north country”.
I have not had any contact with Brooklyn since then. I stopped contacting her. Is it childish of me? My thought is if she wants contact she will initiate it.
I have kind of taken the approach of the poem:
“If you love something, let it go”
Whether that is the right approach, I don’t know. Only time will tell.
I did post to her for her birthday and Thanksgiving. There was no response. It seems the only people she occasionally contacts is my former son-in-law and my daughter-in-law, and that is minimal.
Whether or not this is her I don’t know. She posts all kinds of stuff to face book that would make a sailor blush. She can act very grown and intolerant of anyone who doesn’t completely agree with her views. No ones opinion is right but hers. So I find it hard to believe she needs “mommy to speak for her”. But who knows.
She has since decided she is not bi-sexual, or that she is now gender neutral; neither female nor male. But comes up with something new almost weekly. I cannot pretend to understand that. No one I know does. But she doesn’t give us a chance to understand either. If any of you have any insight into this, please lets talk about it. I want to understand.
For Christmas 2014, I received the following charm and note from Brooklyn. It is very treasured. I only hope one day she remembers what she wrote and finds her way home.
So my Christmas Wish is that Brookie will “want” to come home and “will” come home. I don’t see that happening this year, but there is still time. I would move heaven and earth to get here, no matter what, if I got that message. I have made that trip more than once in blinding snow, I would do it again.
So Santa if you read this and it is within your power……
The “magic key” will be hung beside the door.
Until the next time